Fathering: 6 Things Dads Do That Shape the World
I became an “instant dad” at 19. Katie and I got married, and suddenly I had a three-year-old stepson living in my house. Talk about on-the-job training. Since then we’ve added three more kids—now our oldest is married, we have two teenage sons and a twelve-year-old daughter. Along the way I’ve done some things right, and I’ve also carried regrets: times of working too much, being selfish, being too frustrated.
That’s the thing about fatherhood—it’s both weighty and wonderful. And whether we nailed it or stumbled, every dad leaves a mark.
It was Father’s Day here in New Zealand last week (Americans, fun fact: your Mother’s Day lines up with ours, but not Father’s Day. That’s because Mother’s Day was standardized back in 1914 in the U.S., while Father’s Day lagged until 1972. By then, countries like NZ and Australia had already picked their own dates).
At church, I preached a message to help dads grow, while also helping everyone see more clearly how our heavenly Father is toward us. I called it: six things fathers do.
Why Fathering Matters
It’s hard to overstate how important fathering is. I’m not diminishing mothering in any way (that’s a blog for May). It’s not a competition. But fathering matters, makes a difference, and isn’t replaceable.
My own dad passed away seven years ago, far too young, from a heart attack. He was present and gave me good memories. But out of his own wounds, there were also gaps.
And that’s true for all of us: whether our dad was absent, abusive, mediocre, or great—none of us had a perfect dad. Only our heavenly Father can be that.
A World with Daddy Issues
The data in NZ is sobering:
More than half of babies are born to unmarried parents (80% for Māori).
One in six kids has no father living at home.
Children raised without fathers are five times more likely to grow up in poverty.
Father absence links to lower school performance, higher truancy, lower graduation rates, and fewer university pathways.
The majority of prison inmates grew up in fatherless homes.
Fatherless children show higher rates of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicide.
Boys from fatherless homes are more likely to become absent fathers themselves.
Teens are more likely to engage in risky behavior, early sex, and teenage pregnancy.
The stats are heavy, but here’s the hope: God’s grace and presence through fathers—biological, step, adoptive, and spiritual—can literally rewrite these stories. The cycle can break. Families can heal.
“Your presence—or absence—shapes how your kids imagine God.”
Six Things Fathers Do
1. Fathers Initiate
God is the great initiator—creation, covenant, redemption, sending Jesus, sending the Spirit. Fathers mirror that.
“Dads, don’t wait. Step in. Start the conversation. Pull your kids into your world and step into theirs.”
2. Fathers Provide and Protect
God provides victory, blessing, and daily bread. Fathers do the same.
“A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children” (Prov. 13:22).
“Those who won’t care for their relatives… have denied the true faith” (1 Tim. 5:8).
“As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord” (Josh. 24:15).
Providing isn’t just financial—it’s about direction, covering, creating a safe home, and pointing the family toward God.
3. Fathers Affirm and Give Identity
At Jesus’ baptism, the Father spoke: “This is my dearly loved Son, in whom I’m well pleased.”
“A father’s blessing is oxygen for identity.”
Kids—especially sons—need to hear: “I’m proud of you. You have what it takes.” Without it, they drift, trying to prove themselves instead of living secure.
4. Fathers Teach and Disciple
God instructs, warns, and corrects in love.
“Discipleship isn’t about cramming facts—it’s about shaping character.”
Dads, open the Bible. Tell stories. Pass on wisdom from both victories and mistakes.
5. Fathers Are Loving and Compassionate
“The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him”(Ps. 103:13).
Fatherhood isn’t macho bravado. It’s hugs, laughter, tears, gentleness. Discipline is part of love (Heb. 12:7–11), but never harsh or exasperating (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21).
6. Fathers Heal and Restore
Many fathers pass down brokenness they never faced. True fathering seeks healing, repentance, and reconciliation.
“True fathering isn’t about perfection—it’s about humility.”
Healing the masculine soul often means forgiving fathers, receiving forgiveness, and passing on blessing. Fathers can be a healing presence when they are on a healing journey.
So What?
Dads, you have a special role. Your presence points your kids toward—or away from—the truth of God as Father.
Fathering mirrors the mission of the church. The church is called to initiate, provide, protect, affirm, teach, love, and restore. All of us get to play a part in that.
All of us have a heavenly Father. Some need to let Him in today—to heal wounds, restore hope, and reframe what “Father” means. His Spirit within us cries, “Abba, Father.”
